There’s a clock and bull story being waged in Bangladesh as we speak. 

Its most famous bull has five days to live. On May 27, it’s slated to be slaughtered  for an annual Muslim festival. 

That’s not much time and a lot of steak: Donny, the bull in question, weighs 700 kg. 

It’s famous not so much for its heft as for being albino. It’s greyish-white with a flowing helmet of blond hair not unlike a certain US President we all know and dislike.  

Donny’s a media star. Crowds in Bangladesh are flocking to snap photographs of the beefy behemoth, nicknamed Donald Trump because of its blond locks. 

Owner Zia Mridha, 38, said his brother so named the bull because its blond hairpiece appeared to  resemble the President’s.

“The name was because of the buffalo’s extraordinary hair,” he told AFP at his farm in Narayanganj, near Dhaka.

Mridha said a constant stream of curious visitors — social media fans, onlookers and children — have come throughout May, to glimpse the bovine leader. 

Donny has endured these meat-and-greet sessions although it winces at the sound of ‘meet’.  

You couldn’t blame the creature. It was a sensitive vegetarian who believed in non-violence and had as much resemblance, emotionally speaking, to Donald Trump as Elvis had to “Weird Al” Yankovic.

Both had the same instincts: they came, they saw, they charged. But that was Donny’s first instinct: it would always recover and allow its civilised nature to assert itself. 

Not so much with El Presidente though. As bulls went, he carried his own China shop with him. He thought it was the least he could do.  

He wasn’t called the Wrecker-in-Chief for nothing. 

The bull’s regimen hasn’t changed. Every morning, men poured cool water over its head, running a pink brush through its blond tresses, neatly tucked between sweeping horns.

“The only luxury he enjoys is bathing four times a day,” Mridha said. The famer appeared to be anxious that US-Bangladesh ties not be strained because he repeatedly stressed that the similarities between the bull and the President stopped at the hair. 

Although most people think the story’s a lot of bull, some Bangladeshis think otherwise. 

Businessman Faisal Ahmed, 30, was among those who managed to get close, snapping photographs of the great beast. 

“Truly, the features are similar between the buffalo and President Donald Trump,” said the eagle-eyed businessman. 

On a separate note, albino buffaloes are extremely rare, and appear white or pink. They occur for the same reason they do in human beings – a lack of the pigment, melanin.

Donny isn’t alone. His companions include an aggressive bull named “Tufan,” meaning “storm”; an enormous buffalo called “Fat Boy” and the gentle-natured “Sweet Boy.”

Another albino bull, also golden-haired, is named after Brazilian footballer Neymar for its  bleached-blond cut.

Muslim-majority Bangladesh, a nation of 170 million people, is preparing for Eid al-Adha, the Islamic “feast of the sacrifice,” later this month.

More than 12 million livestock will be slaughtered during the holiday, when many poor families get a chance to eat meat.

Even so, the attention lavished on Donny has begun to grate on Mridha. He claims the crowds have caused Donny to lose weight. There are restrictions on public viewing now.

Of course, the real reason the bull was losing weight was that he’d guessed the truth.

The farmer told him no, he wasn’t to be slaughtered.

He was to be sacrificed. It was just the way of the world, the bull thought fatalistically.  

Expecting a bull not to charge at you because you are a vegetarian animal-lover is as absurd as expecting to forego Donny’s beefy potential because of animal rights. 

ENDS

He’s been variously described as Malaysia’s “fugitive financier”: the ‘mastermind behind 1MDB’s looting” or, simply, the ‘fat fraudster.’

In 2016, news emerged that the country’s sovereign wealth fund IMalaysia Development Bhd (1MDB) had been defrauded to the tune of billions of dollars. 

It took a lost election to bring Premier Najib Razak to justice and he is currently in prison although he is trying all manner of means to stay out. 

Jibby’s co-conspirator Jho “Fatso” Low is, however, on the run. 

Often featured as a beaming, tuxedo-clad  guest at champagne-swilling parties in Hollywood before the news broke, the ample architect of the world’s biggest heist is now wanted in four countries including Malaysia and the US. 

This happened after the bulky bandit stole over RM18 billion from the Malaysian government and skipped town without so much as a fare-thee-well. 

Jibby was above the law until 2018 when he suddenly wasn’t. Fatso, however, reckoned that discretion was the better part of valour and so never returned to Malaysia until he stole away for good.

He was never caught and does not intend to be.

 “Oh no!” cried The Bulk  jovially. “Not by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!” 

And you can imagine there must have been a great many as the man was generously endowed, with a multitude of chins. 

Fatso was snug as a bug in a rug because he was allegedly afforded protection by China, which routinely shot its own corrupt officials but tolerantly afforded protection to foreign thieves it deemed “heroically” corrupt. 

The tubby thief had,  apparently, more than met China’s strict criteria governing “heroic” corruption.

No wonder. Fatty had tried to curry favour with the US Department of Justice by returning assets worth US700 million – they would have been seized anyway. In total, the US recovered US$800 million from the plump pilferer. 

But he still had over US$3 billion and change, an amount that helped generate enough goodwill with Beijing’s mandarins to ensure safe harbour.

It certainly bought a lot of asylum. According to news reports Malaysia’s Sultan of Scam travels freely about China.

It appears that Fatso may be yearning for the light and excitement of the United States. An alumnus of his American alma mater – the Wharton School of Finance – currently occupies the White House.

Better yet, the said occupant likes doing business. To-date, he’s pardoned 1,600 people convicted of  federal crimes. 

More to the point, the man isn’t averse to enriching his family. 

According to various US news reports, the net worth of the Trump family is estimated to have increased by over US$9.5 billion from the time Mr Trump took office in January 2025. 

The wealth effect has taken place through various ways, from outright foreign gifts to cryptocurrency ventures.  

Unsurprisingly, we now read that our own Felonious has officially requested a pardon from the White House.

Will it fly? 

A White House official told The Wall Street Journal that Mr Low’s request for a pardon wasn’t “on the radar” of Mr Trump and his advisers.

Not now at least.

And you should never say never.

ENDS