According to Page Six, a US-based celebrity gossip-sheet, the fat fugitive could be “hiding out” in Los Angeles. But the paper may not have known what “hiding out” meant because the same story went on to say that the tubby thief had been spotted “surrounded by people” at a party at the home of a Hollywood producer. 

Does that make sense?

Is it believable that an allegedly notorious felon, the subject of the book Billion Dollar Whale and the trusted “consigliere” of Fearless Leader would be invited to a Hollywood party?

Of course he would! 

He would have been the biggest celebrity at the party, a living example of Catch Me If You Can. 

Which is why the Page Six story is half past six because the Feds would have been there faster than you can say Bossku. 

The flabby fraudster was actually hiding out in China although that had been denied by the Chinese authorities because they believed a person was guilty until proven wealthy beyond all reason. 

After reading said article in the gossip sheet, Fat Boy heaved a deep sigh and wished he had been at that party in Hollywood. He’d lived for such moments and yearned wistfully for those days when he was the Wolf of Wall Street, when even people like Barnie Madoff would ask him for his autograph after seeking his advice.  

In truth, he was bored in China and read every article about himself with a voracious and abiding interest. He liked and approved such court references as  “consigliori” as it seemed to explain his love for pasta. 

The bulging brigand even keenly appreciated the spirit of Fearless’ defence which was to imply that he, Fatso, was the real brains behind the heist. He liked such greatness being thrust on him always provided that he was, at any one time, at least 5,000 miles away from Sungei Buloh and Abdul Hamid Bador.    

To stave off boredom, the corpulent crook had begun working on a book. He thought of it as advice for future Stanford graduates. And he already had a working title for it. Indeed, the buckle-swashing baddie thought that “By Hook Or by Crook” was an admirable philosophy to live by. 

Some other gems that came to him:

When I was very young. I thought the most important thing to have was lots of money. Now that I am older, I am convinced of it. 

Money isn’t everything: it’s the only thing. 

In between such flashes of brilliance, he brooded about Abdul Hamid Bador. The name itself left ice in his veins and gasping for breath in repeated nightmares. 

Because he seemed to know something that Fat Boy didn’t. 

That was why he feverishly read and reread a much thumbed newspaper article…

…The Inspector General of Police said police knew the whereabouts of Low, also known as Jho Low, and were determined to bring him back by the end of the year.

“We are working hand-in-hand with the police in the country where Low is hiding. It is premature now to say which country it is.

“I am negotiating with them and have set a target, which is to bring Low back by the end of this year.

And the last, the most chilling, line, read….

“He deserves to be tried here. ” 

What did he mean? Did he know something that Fat Boy didn’t?

Now he understood what Norman, the character from Cheers, meant when he said: “When the trust goes out of a relationship, it’s no fun lying to them anymore.”