Month: February 2024

THE RELATIVITY OF CRIME

In the film The Godfather, Don Corleone cautions his hot-headed son Sonny against violence, pointing out there are gentler ways: “A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.”   

There’s a moral in there somewhere, surely. 

For Marlon Brando, it was a line in yet another movie. But  for an Ex-PM and his substantial sidekick Fatboy, it may have been A Life Lesson to Live By.

Certainly, it’s one school of thought. Now compare and contrast our responses to malfeasance to those of the Japanese of whom the phrase “to a fault” must surely have been invented. 

Plot’s like this. Principal of junior high school in Japan needs pick-up. Been that kind of day. Enters self-service deli, pays for regular coffee, but presses button for “large” cup.   

He’s spotted. Flagrante delicto as it were. Such drama! Caught in Takasago,  seven-hours from Tokyo. Self- righteous, if you know what I mean. No sense of humour. Or mercy. It’s four days before Christmas.  

Rough justice is understating things. By February, he’s done and dusted, dismissed from work, his teaching licence revoked. No kidding – it’s what the  Asahi Shimbun reported. 

He’s also lost his retirement pay, about RM525,000. Nothing to sneeze at in a country with low inflation.

You have to feel for Ex-PRIN. He’s remorseful too, which is more than can be said of EX-PM: he’d  thought the truth was such a rare and precious commodity it had to be doled out sparingly.  

But I digress. Let’s go back to the ex-principal. At an interview, the 59-year old said he had acted impulsively and was “truly sorry.”

Ex-PRIN also admitted he’d done it 4 times before. In total, he’d underpaid Y$490. That’s not quite enough to bankrupt said deli: it’s  around RM15.56.

Did the punishment fit the crime? Even ordinary Japanese wondered. 

Dismissal is the most severe punishment for a public servant there. That’s followed by suspension from work, a pay cut and, least of all, a reprimand. EX-PM had thought a reprimand was fair in his case. He would have even settled for a pay cut but there was just no satisfying some people. 

But in Japan Ex-PRIN had been a repeat  offender. His dismissal, therefore, was deemed “appropriate.” 

Now what would the Japanese have thought of  Ex-PM having his 12 year sentence – for stealing over RM42 million from public coffers – cut in half?

And what would they have thought of senior Malaysian lawyer Zaid Ibrahim’s comment that RM42 million was “small change,” implying, presumably, that EX-PM had been hard done by?

He must think he was because he’s not leaping about with joy as well he might: a rubber tapper was recently sentenced to seven years for stealing RM77. 

Again, the Japanese might have asked: Would said tapper have the same chance of being pardoned on the not unreasonable grounds of, say, extreme poverty?  

OK, maybe not. It was the Malaysian Way: Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the St Regis.

For perspective, here are some facts for the Japanese to ponder. It’s about  1Malaysia Development Bhd, the state fund allegedly looted by EX-PM et al.  The amount stolen from it is estimated at US$4.5 billion while its total debt had reached US$7.8 billion at last count. That’s  RM48.4 billion at current exchange rate levels and rising as we speak. 

It’s certainly not “small change”. 

ENDS

THE MEN OF MANY FACES

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” – US writer and statesman Benjamin Franklin

“In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.” – German statesman Konrad Adenauer

“All you need in this life is stupidity and confidence, and then success is sure.” It was the writer Mark Twain who made the observation over a century ago but he never meant for it to be taken seriously. 

But there is a rocket scientist in Damansara Flora in the greater KL area who did, apparently.  Said RS had read somewhere that going viral on TikTok could get you money for nothing and chicks for free. 

To be sure, there is going viral, and then there is, well, going nuts. Like hydrogen, there is a great deal of stupidity out there and RS had drunk deep, and copiously, at said well.

He had no criminal record to speak off. To rectify that matter, he set fire to an auxiliary police cruiser and all but drew a map for the police by filming the act on his phone and sending it out to that great Cloud in the sky. It did go viral and that, as they say, was the rub. 

No chicks for free, that’s for sure. Perhaps a little grim and stern fish, some gritty rice and an opportunity to meet a former Premier. 

That’s why you can never underestimate human intelligence too much. 

Nor can you underestimate human greed for that matter. Jibby and his stout sidekick, Fatboy, proved that above and beyond their call of duty. That’s well known of course, but no, I’m just talking today’s newspaper here. First my eye fell on the story of the ambitious RS with delusions of adequacy, and then there were the  three who allegedly looted a charity for Palestinians.

It took two hours for the interpreter to read the 164 charges prosecutors slapped against the trio for money laundering, criminal breach of trust and cheating, involving over RM45 million in funds meant for Palestinians dispossessed by the war. 

The trio’s hearts bled so much for those poor folk that they allegedly bought houses, shop-lots and land. As a further mark of respect, they bought 131 kilograms of gold bullion.

Fatboy would have understood: you can’t have too much. He knew because he’d tried. 

There was only one problem. They might have been a couple of chapattis short of a curry lunch because all the purchases were made by a single company which had but three directors.  This was usually the moment Poirot would have muttered: “Sacre bleu!”

No prizes for guessing the three rocket scientists on said board.

My friend Cletus came up with a beauty yesterday. He’d been reading about the preacher man Ebit Liew, whose case of  sexual harassment is currently pending before the courts. 

Cletus thought the name should correctly read as A Bit Lewd. 

You’d never have guessed though. He was normally clad in proper clerical garb right down to the white skull cap and pious goatee. 

But to read the testimony of the disconsolate female witness on the stand in today’s paper, it appeared that the old chestnut may have been true. No, it wasn’t a gun in his pocket and yes, he had been happy to see her. 

Allegedly, of course.

ENDS

KILLJOYS OF MALAYSIA

He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian – or Christ, for short.  – Archie Bunker, in the TV sitcom All In The Family  

The other day we met up with Y, one of my wife’s friends, who’d flown over from Kay-El with one aim: to see Coldplay perform live.

He’d booked a hotel room and, since he was in Singapore with his wife, he might as well stay a few days. The concert tickets were S$200 (RM694) each so what the hell?  

“We haven’t been here for ages anyway,” he told us cheerfully.

The British band had agreed to play six January concerts in the city-state: all in the same venue, a rare concession that underscored the island’s marketing skill.  It made good business sense. All the dates were booked solid, and it drew fans from as far away as New Zealand. 

That’s the way to do it. 

It was the Arabs who came up with the saying: “the dogs may bark but the caravan moves on.” This commonsensical notion was largely true for Malaysia in its first 50 years or so but not so much now. Every time any barking starts, the country staggers, stops or even reverses course altogether.    

The Islamic Party of Malaysia, or Pas, is largely responsible for this. It, quite seriously, sees itself as the moral watchdog of the country and its outraged yelps against concerts – or anything remotely entertaining for that matter– is costing the country dear: the number of Malaysians like Y who went south to hear Coldplay is anyone’s guess.

Where concerts are concerned, Pas has developed a Pavlovian response: object, object and then, still object. 

Why? 

Why not?  would be the correct response in The World According to Pas. 

Take the upcoming Ed Sheeran concert in Kuala Lumpur. The baby-faced English singer-songwriter is scheduled to perform here on February 24.

It’s too near Ramadan, Pas winged. Not really: the start of the fasting month is almost 2 weeks from the date. 

Eureka, cried the Clerics’ Council of Pas – its highest policy making body – in the triumphant, and Ancient Greek, tones of a Holmes getting his man. 

Apparently, the shady Sheeran was a sinister subversive who surreptitiously supported scoundrelly syndicates like the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. 

Who would’ve thought? 

Harumph, said Khairy Jamaluddin in the dismissive manner of a Grandmaster about to checkmate a lesser mortal. 

A former Health Minister, Mr Khairy revealed that Pas had never “aggressively” pushed for concert bans when it was in government between March 2020 and November 2023. He went on to say that when push came to shove, the matter was raised only once and that, “timidly” too, as a question during a Cabinet meeting. 

In short, zilch, zip and nada. 

Now, who would’ve thought? 

The party’s spiritual adviser confirmed Mr Khairy’s opinion in a backhanded sort of way. He said as it was in government then, the party had more “pressing” matters and issues that “needed our immediate attention.”   

He did not reveal what was so “pressing” that it needed the party’s “immediate” attention. Indeed, any Malaysian worth his salt would be hard pressed to remember a single policy, issue, or idea, that Pas articulated, floated, or espoused during its two-odd years in power. 

It was zip, zilch and nada all over again. 

ENDS