US elections

THE MISLEADER-IN-CHIEF AWAITS 

U2’s lawyers work pro-bono – advice for lawyers

Most people will agree that I’m a very, very, very intelligent man – President Donald J Trump, who offered this scoop to journalists.

The French novelist Gustave Flaubert listed three requirements for happiness:  stupidity, selfishness and good health. He threw in a caveat: if stupidity is lacking, Flaubert cautioned, “all is lost.”  

Flaubert needn’t fret. Where Donald Trump is concerned, all is found: ignorance, narcissism and perfect health all wrapped up in the man the Republicans deem perfectly suitable as the next Leader of the Free World. 

The world will know the results by the time lunch rolls around in Malaysia on Wednesday. If the Lied Piper wins, Ms Harris will concede and that will be that. 

But if history is made with the election of the first female President of the US, all bets are off because the Donald will almost certainly contest the results. He will use the courts and God knows what else. Don’t forget he’s the fellow who predicted a “bloodbath” if he lost.

In fact, he hasn’t even conceded the last election and already he appears to be laying the ground to contest the up-coming results. 

On Thursday, he posted furious (in capitals with sundry exclamation marks) allegations that there had been election fraud in early polling in Pennsylvania. He did not, however, furnish any evidence to back up his claims. You might say it’s the story of his life. 

The man is a political rarity, the original Teflon Man. Nothing sticks to him. This is amazing for a country which can get pretty fevered-up in its politics. 

He’s attempted an insurrection against an elected government; been convicted of 34 felony charges; been accused of sexual assault and has talked to Vladimir Putin no less than six times after he left the Presidency. If he had been a Democrat, the last act alone would have been enough to derail his political aspirations. 

To top it off, he lies so often and so frequently that a fact checker to him would be the equivalent of a cross to Dracula. 

But nothing seems to be held against him. No President in history has, for example, attempted to sell stuff to the American people after they left office. Yet Trump repeatedly does so – cards, shoes, coins, watches, even Bibles – and no one seems to find it weird. 

Not to be outdone, his wife Melania has just unveiled her Christmas ornament collection – going for between $75 to $90 – in a “one-off, not to be missed” collectable set. 

If it all sounds shameless, it is. 

The only ones having a field day over Trump are the late-night show hosts. But even their jokes are sounding worried. Whether the jokes work is moot. As humour writer Tom Lehrer points out gloomily: “Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.” 

That’s why opinions are shifting, and meanings and definitions are changing. In Lincoln’s time there was such a thing as an honest politician. The definition has blurred; nowadays, it is the one who, when he is bought, stays bought.

ENDS

HE SHOULD QUIT WHILE HE’S BEHIND

When he was a child, he once read that almost 50 percent of people allow their pets to sleep with them for greater closeness. So he thought he would try it and his favourite goldfish died. It was then that his parents first had an inkling that he might not amount to much.

Apparently that insecurity never got to the child. And the certitude stayed with him even after he became President. And to his mind, that certitude was never going to be confused with being right, modest or remotely truthful.

“Sometimes you have to toot your own horn because no one else is going to do it” might well describe the guiding spirit of the Trump presidency.

He was a “very stable genius” who regularly ranked his performance “A+” and often compared himself to Abraham Lincoln in his treatment of African-Americans.

He has even managed to exaggerate hyperbole if that’s possible. “We have triumphed over evil like nobody else” or “Nobody’s read more books than me” and the notion that “I’ve got more words than anyone else.”

Who talks like that?

Donald Trump will probably go down in history as one of the weirdest leaders to have ever held elected office. We have had unelected weirdos – Kim Jong Un, for instance – and “elected” ones like Vladimir Putin. To illustrate the latter case, take this conversation between VP and his top election official just before the last Russian election was called.

Official: We have good news and bad news
VP: What’s the good news?
Official: You won.
VP: What can be bad about that?
Official: You didn’t get any votes.

Mr Trump has fired more administration officials in his tenure, had more nasty books written about him, told more lies, insulted more people and nations, and made more gaffes, blunders and missteps than any other leader in living memory. And yet he remains hugely popular having garnered 74 million votes in the November election, more than any other candidate of the 21st Century.

All except Joe Biden, that is.

And that’s the rub, and what Mr Trump is raging about now. Indeed, he has been going nuts for three weeks now.

Mr Biden’s election margin over Donald Trump widened to more than seven million votes Thursday, even as Trump and his adamant supporters persisted in claims of widespread fraud.

One month after the Nov 3 election, new local tallies from New York drove victor Biden’s total to 81.3 million votes, compared to Trump’s 74.2 million, with a total 158.4 million votes counted so far, according to data compiled by the Cook Political Report.

It looks like Mr Biden has won it hands-down: he has 306 electoral votes – more than the 270 required – amid an almost 5% victory margin.

But hell hath no fury than an egocentric scorned. And if Mr Trump really harbours any intention of a 2024 run, he should think twice about speaking when he’s angry because it could be the best speech he’d ever regret.