Going to war over religion is basically just killing people over who has the better imaginary friend – comedian Richard Jeri 

I studied history in high school and took the story of the Malacca Sultanate for granted. That included the Sultan’s four brave hulubalang (warriors) led by the redoubtable Hang Tuah. 

In my adulthood, all sorts of new theories have emerged. For starters, it was posited the four were Chinese sent by the then-Emperor to protect the Princess: then it was said they were eunuchs, the better not to be tempted by the fair Princess during the long voyage to Malacca. Finally, Khoo Kay Kim, an Emeritus Professor of History no less, dismissed all these theories as bunk and stated the four were myths, nothing more and nothing less.

That is to say they only exist in the minds of wishful-thinking, kris-wielding, slogan chanting, right-to-discriminate-believing, and card-carrying members of the United Malays National Organisation. 

That’s belief for you. One day, you’re brought up to trust George Washington never told a lie; the next you’re grown up, exposed to Donald Trump and the belief gets finessed to Farmer George never lied, stole or cheated unnecessarily.

Richard Dawkins is a militant atheist. The author of The God Delusion gets annoyed or impatient with the “deluded” people who believe in an omnipotent,  omnipresent and omniscient Power, a Creator, if you like. He thinks that’s moronic and, what’s more, believes it with the certitude of a Flat Earther. 

To say Mr Dawkins is dogmatic is to understate things considerably. To him, an absurdity would be a belief or a finding that is manifestly at odds with his opinion. He’s more in the mould of Sam Goldwyn: “If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”

When interviewed by Piers Morgan on British television and asked what he thought was waiting for us post-death, he replied famously: “Blind, pitiless indifference.”

In short, nothing. 

He was talking about the unknowable so he secretly must have hoped, when his time came, that the Lord would do nothing to disturb his disbelief.  

He should have been prudent like Bob Hope’s reason for doing benefits for all religions: “I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.” 

When it comes to the crunch, however, God is alive and well. So long as there are wars anyway. Why do you think there are sayings like, “There are no atheists in foxholes.”

When it comes down to it, the debate could be much ado about nothing. Or, as Woody Allen put it: “To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.” 

Donald Trump hated any opposition, but he especially hated the liberals. They sometimes felt unworthy of their possessions, but he firmly believed he deserved everything he’d stolen. 

He also thought Thomas Carlyle – “A lie cannot live” – was a wimp: he clearly didn’t know how to lie with aplomb. 

Finally, like Dorothy Parker, he didn’t care what was written about him as long as it wasn’t true.   

If he’s not careful, the Donald’s economic use of the truth could follow him to posterity.

It actually happened to one lawyer: his wife must have wanted the world to know his true nature because his tombstone gave it away.

Sleep Master John Gill; By lies when alive, this attorney did thrive, And now that he’s dead, he lies still.

ENDS