In the 1960s, the thing was to show patriotism. 

But it had to be carefully stage-managed. Which meant, whenever a Minister of Education visited Seremban, the schools could be relied on to have smiling pupils lining his route waving delighted flags.

The carrot:  we were each rewarded with a paper cup of ice-cold Milo, sweet enough to render a troop of monkeys catatonic with diabetic shock. 

Compulsion has its benefits. Had my school been more democratic, the practice would never have begun.  

To a boy, we loathed it. 

We had to wait at least half an hour before the worthy trundled past complete with sirens, outriders and the paraphernalia of power. We’d be sweating, sticky and hot at a time when air-conditioning, like colour television, was unheard of. It seemed pointless anyway – the car’s windows were usually tinted so you couldn’t see anybody. 

I remember waving an unenthusiastic flag at someone in a big car, said to be Pak Khir, on at least three occasions. 

Many years later, when I met Khir Johari, the amiable, former minister of education, I told him about those compulsory turnouts. To his credit, he looked mortified and apologised immediately. He did that so naturally, I melted. 

Indeed, he turned out to be a very lovely fellow. Moreover, he had a fount of funny stories about Malaysian politics that kept his audience in stitches. He was that rare politician, a former teacher with a  marvelous sense of humour.

Let’s face it, it’s more than I can say for the bunch we got saddled with in the 1980s onward. 

The compulsory conscription of pupils no longer occurs but only because present-day parents no longer countenance its practice.  

But give me the old days anytime. It was easier to be patriotic then. We all went to the same schools, learnt the same things and played the same games. There was a common sense of identity, certainly more than a semblance of it.

The cynical playing up of ethnic and religious differences to win popular support is not a recipe for fostering patriotism on any given day, let alone the nation’s 68^th birthday. 

Why is it impossible to believe that a shopkeeper or anyone else simply made an honest mistake when he flies the flag upside-down? 

The mere fact that they took the trouble to fly the flag at all should win them some appreciation, not condemnation.  

But no, mistakes are punished severely. Two businesses in Johore were ordered closed for 30 days over flag gaffes. 

Now does anyone in his right mind seriously think the same  businesses in Johore might feel inclined to hoist the  national flag again next year? 

People in authority should be less prone to being judgmental. Perhaps leaven small issues with humour instead of vituperation. 

When US actress Raquel Welch donned a bikini made out of the American flag, there were those who grumbled about the propriety of the star spangled swimsuit. 

Nonsense, scoffed the New York Times. If anything, said the paper, it glorified the flag because Ms Welch “is a marvelous breathing embodiment to womankind.”

Happy Merdeka folks. 

ENDS

If we’re familiar with two things, it’s food and where to get the good stuff. 

Before Michelin introduced “two-stars” to indicate “excellent food worthy of a detour,” Kuala Lumpur residents had their own BKT index which showed precisely where, in Klang, a 30 minute drive from KL, the best bah kut teh was served. 

So it came as  no surprise when a national culinary team won gold at the Best National Dishes in the World Competition, held in Dubai last Saturday. 

Yes, it was titled as such. I’d blame the copywriter but maybe that’s Dubai for you.

First, a pointer.  Whenever you patronise a place that uses  “cuisine” instead of “food,” expect your bill to be at least 60% higher than normal. 

Now, back to Dubai. What was the best international dish in the world, according to the Dubai Deemsters? 

It was Nasi Kerabu aka Herb Rice. 

You could say the said rice leaves an impression. It’s in a hue so virulently blue that it may have driven US pop singer Halsey to dye her hair turquoise.

These actions have karmic consequence. The blue tinting of Halsey’s hair was what finished off poor Cyndi Lauper who’d thought orange was the way to go.

Everything’s up in the air now. The fat fruitcake currently occupying the White House has proclaimed Orange the new Plaque so who’s to know how the karmic wheel will spin? 

But I digress as we were talking about the competition, no? Apart from the signature rice dish, the six Malaysian chefs prepared chicken and shrimp dishes delicious enough to convert the heathen. 

The two dishes were also chili-fiery so the sweet and ice-cold cendol served as dessert later may have been such a relief to said judges that it pushed Malaysia over the top. 

As the lead chef said after the fact: “I love it when a plan comes together.” 

He was quoting someone, not the Cannibal for sure, but certainly some Hannibal. 

The Syrians came in second which was no mean feat. Its head chef Youssef Youhanna was already famous for his best-selling book A Device Dodger’s Directory of Damascus but this had to be icing on the cake. 

No, he didn’t make cake but sensibly had opted for what he generally prepared in his house. And everyone knew hummus where the heart is. 

Surprisingly, the Italians were eliminated early: “We just-a needed some Gouda luck.” The Japanese felt bitter thinking they had been given short shrift; “Udon even know our cuisine.”  

But the French were the most outraged. They had been placed third which was wholly unacceptable to a nation that had gifted the baguette to the planet. 

Much to the fury of central banks the world over, they’d also been the people who’d invented the Michelin star system of grading restaurant fare. Over the years, it’s had the effect of boosting food prices and thus, central bank chagrin. 

But the Dubai dilemma was different and delicate. The judges thought alcohol was as necessary to cooking as a bicycle was to a fish. 

“Sacre bleu!” exclaimed the French head chef as he wondered how his coq was to be prepared without the vin? ( His coq au vin was, essentially, bone-in chicken slowly braised in red wine).

“Don’t go bacon my heart,” he  pleaded.

But the judges were unrepentant.

“Dill with it”. 

ENDS

Above all, do no harm.

It’s the overriding objective of the Hippocratic oath, a promise all doctors know. 

Not Akmal Salleh. He’s the go-to guy for petrol whenever there’s a fire raging. And, just when you thought it was safe to believe in medicine, the firebrand is a Russia-trained medic. 

Dr Akmal joins a list of former alumni steeped in the time-honoured practice of divisive race politics to rise in the hierarchy of Malaysian politics. The list includes  four former premiers. Translation: there’s method in his madness, only it’s called the Hypocritic Oath.

The English writer Samuel Johnson put it succinctly. Patriotism, he declared, “is the last refuge of the scoundrel.” 

And scoundrelly stuff seems to be the order of the day.

More than a year ago, a 24-hour convenience store was found selling socks with the word “Allah” printed on them.

It was an honest accident and the owner, an ethnic Chinese businessman, apologised repeatedly. 

No thanks to Akmal, the incident got whipped up to the extent that a few stores got fire-bombed. 

The fact that barely anyone remembers it now illustrates how disproportionate the then-response was.  

Now the fuss is over the flag. The vituperative medico got his knickers in a twist after a hardware shop in Penang accidentally  displayed the national flag upside down. When the owner realised the error, the mistake was rectified and the fellow even apologized.

You’d think that would satisfy a “reasonable” man. Nope.  

The way the pushy physician  pressed for the Chinese shop owner’s prosecution, you’d think he was Heinrich Himmler. 

If only Umno Youth, the branch of the United Malays Nationalist Organisation that Akmal heads, treated corruption with the same evangelical fury….but that is another story.

Things have now changed in a way that makes you believe there might be a God. 

Earlier this week, a chapter of Akmal’s own youth wing  posted an incorrect version of the national flag on social media. It led to a hasty apology and red faces all around – especially in the light of the initial holier-than-thou threats. 

It defused  that particular crisis but it now appears there’re other fish to fry, 

Nurturing  mountains out of molehills was all very well but Umno Youth yearned to see former Malaysian Premier Najib Razak aka Jibsworth exchange his prison cell for house arrest.  

Yes, they wanted him snug as a bug in a rug in the comfortable, air-conditioned climes of his luxurious, Jalan Duta  home where he might serve out the rest of his sentence for “abuse of power and corruption.” 

Lest we forget, Jibsworth together with his pal, the rotund and still-missing  Felonious, were responsible for what the Wall Street Journal described as the “heist of the century.“

It revolved around the theft of RM19 billion from the Malaysian government. The money was raised through US dollar- denominated debt which taxpayers are still paying for.

Putrajaya has paid out RM43.8 billion so far and a balance of RM9.7 billion remains. 

This gargantuan robbery was committed under Jibsworth’s premiership.

You’d think Akmal might be incensed with his former leader’s greed, but no, Umno Youth is calling for the First Felon to serve out his sentence in the comfort of his home. 

Strange would be an understatement, wouldn’t you say? 

ENDS 

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow. – Words to live by considering the current incumbent.

What does a leader do when confronted by suggestions his policies are bad?

If he’s Donald Trump, he fires bearer of said news and declares victory. 

If it worked before on reality TV, why not in the White House?

Last Friday, US President Donald Trump sacked the head of an important economic institution hours after it released weaker-than-expected jobs data that suggested his tariff policy was hurting the US.  

The Orange Oddball claimed Erika McEntarfer, head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), had “RIGGED” jobs figures “to make the Republicans, and ME, look bad.” 

Actually, the capitals-crazed Top Dog didn’t need Erika, or anyone else, to make him look bad. He could, and often did, that by himself. 

America’s Certifiable Chieftain is convinced that tariffs are the US’ way forward. The markets don’t agree and the BLS’ figures  didn’t help. 

Indeed, Friday’s figures released by BLS showed that employers in the US added only 73,000 jobs in July, far below forecasts of at least 109,000. 

To add insult to injury, the agency revised down employment growth in May and June, reporting 250,000 fewer jobs than previously thought. It was the largest downward revision in employment in 45 years.  

In fairness, the Saffron Sage isn’t the first President to be data-rebuked. During Joe Biden’s presidency, statistics for 12 months over 2023-4 were retroactively revised downward by 818,000 jobs. 

Even so, the BLS’ latest revisions weren’t unexpected:

analysts said it was consistent with other data showing a slowdown. 

If there was one thing America’s Beefy Bossman hated more than illegal immigrants, it was criticism. And any talk of a slowing economy under HIS watch, was DEFCOM 4 and not to be tolerated.  

It was back to the old playbook: Deny, Obfuscate, Contradict and Punish.  

That’s exactly what the Corpulent Commander-in-Chief did. 

He denied and contradicted. “The Economy is BOOMING under TRUMP” he posted on his Truth Social network. 

Interestingly, he referred to himself in the third person, a trait often associated with narcissism.  

The Hefty Head Honcho had better get used to bad news because the majority of economists are now united in decrying his “Brilliant” tariffs. 

Even the Economist, a right-wing  publication, described his  tariff war as “mindless” and “bound to cause havoc.”

Some people see more sinister overtones in his latest outburst. This from former US Treasury Secretary Larry Summers: “Firing the head of a key government agency because you don’t like the numbers they report is what happens in authoritarian countries.” 

Mr Summers was alluding to Project 2025, a political initiative to reshape the US federal government and consolidate executive policy in favour of right-wing policies.   

The Nobel-craving, Heavyset Head of State has consistently denied any attachment to Project 2025 but analysts note that his term seems devoted to entrenching the executive’s grip on the state. 

Next in his cross-hairs could be Jerome Powell, the hapless chairman of the Federal Reserve. The central bank continues to leave interest rates unchanged much to Donny’s chagrin.  

The First Felon is demanding a cut, but the Fed is holding fire until it sees the full impact of tariffs on the US economy. 

The trouble is Donald “I-know-more-about-interest-rates-than-anyone” Trump knows he cannot lose. 

That’s just not in the script. 

ENDS