It’s so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk. – Anonymous 

When we were playing in a pub in the late 1970s, the only free drink we could expect from management was ice-water. 

Except it was never called that. In the spirit of the booze-fuelled environment we were in, it was always sky juice on the rocks.

I’d say we need a lot more sky juice right about now, preferably falling from the heavens in bucketfuls.

There are certain things Malaysians, especially those living in Kuala Lumpur, accept with resignation. Traffic jams spring to mind. 

But when did the haze become part of the Kuala Lumpur condition?

People accept the haze with the same fatalistic resignation they accord cancer. The Meteorology Dept now casually throws it into the weather mix – “hazy and hot with a 30 per cent chance of rain in the evening.” 

To us elderly gents who remember the “no haze at all” years, it’s a disturbing  phenomenon that began in the 1990s. Suddenly, the Indonesians, who’ve been practising  “slash and burn” cultivation techniques for generations, were letting those fires get out of control. And like an invading army, smoke is no respecter of borders.   

Now that we accept it, we quibble, we rationalise and, yes, we play it down if only to make us feel batter. 

“Yes, it’s hazy but at least you can’t smell it.”  

“C’mon, it’s nowhere near 1997. Now that was a  real horror. This is nothing.” 

In fact,  I do remember 1997 as a real horror. In late 1997, the Kuala Lumpur skyline emerged as a  dystopian landscape of fog, fire and unholy smoke. 

It felt like the end of the world not least because the Asian Financial Crisis was upon us. Companies were going bust, people were losing jobs and it appeared Pandora had simply dumped the contents of Her Box all over Southeast Asia. 

The good news is this isn’t 1997. Not by a long chalk. 

It’s hazy and bloody hot but it could be worse. And let’s face it, that’s something to talk about right there. I mean, if the weather didn’t change once in a while, most people wouldn’t have a conversation starter. 

“I bet you doctors just love this haze. They must be minting money.” 

And so on…..

Maybe climate change is behind this. I certainly don’t remember such hot nights when I was growing up. Two nights ago, I think it was still 30 degrees after 11. 

Seriously, I don’t think anyone In Seremban ever had air conditioning in their houses in the 1970s but I  remember, with a fan on,  we still had to have blankets when we went to bed at nights. 

But strange things are happening courtesy of climate change. In North Vietnam, apparently, a heatwave is causing hens to lay hard boiled eggs. 

Worse, it was so hot in Washington  yesterday, Donald Trump was chagrined to see a squirrel fanning its nuts. 

Finally, this weather business is unpredictable so we should stop cursing the Meteorological Department.

Weather forecasting is a lot like sex: it may produce some practical results but that’s not why we do it. 

ENDS

What makes him think that a middle aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? – Ronald Reagan, on Clint Eastwood running for Mayor of Carmel 

Thou shall always blame someone else. 

It was a Golden Rule for Donald Trump. When confronted with a misstep – from deadly Texas floods to fatal air-crashes into the Potomac – the Donald’s reflexive, go-to option was to blame Joe Biden. He even blamed his hapless predecessor for Gaza, a stretch if ever there was one. 

All this in addition to the Golden Rule itself: he who holds the Gold, Rules. He’d never forget that. It was how a Grifter-in-Chief kept his bank balances healthy after his term ended. 

This reality seems to have eluded the Republicans. The same group used to pillory the Biden “crime family.” But Hunter Biden’s “lapses” are penny-ante stuff compared to the billions being raked in by the Trump Empire.

When asked if this wasn’t hypocritical, a Republican Senator retorted that “at least, it’s done openly.” 

Apparently, transparent conflict-of- interest behaviour is manly cheating in the Republican Book of Ethics. Except there’s a small problem – it’s forbidden by US law. 

The US Constitution’s Emoluments Clause expressly prohibits a sitting President from “accepting  gifts, payments or any benefits from foreign governments.”  

Truth be told, no one thought the Donald worried about trifling things like The Law, least of all the US Supreme Court. 

He’d promised to go to Washington to “drain the swamp” but there’d been too many friendly alligators there and he’d ended up being their King, 

Mr Trump was an intensely insincere man who vowed to do everything he could for the working man, except become one. 

He was a profoundly religious politician who, when he assumed office, insisted on taking the oath of office upon the Bible. Yet his prudence dictated that he not touch it lest one or the other burst into flame. 

His faith allowed him calm, nay resolve, in the face of revelations that his Big, Beautiful Bill would add over US$4 trillion to an already-colossal  deficit. 

He merely recited what he remembered from the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are the children for they shall inherit the National Debt.”

Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu tried to suck up to him by nominating him for the Nobel Peace Prize, a grotesque endorsement that one late night show host likened to “receiving a Husband of the Year nomination from O J Simpson.”

But the US Internal Revenue Service knew the truth: it felt the Donald  should be nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature. His income tax returns were the most imaginative works of fiction being written today. 

The President was a modest fellow who was generous to a fault: he didn’t mind the strain of having to be right all the time. Actually, he enjoyed it so much he kept telling everyone how good he was. 

Don’t believe me? Ask him.

The US legislative system was based on a simple principle – that no party could fool all of the people all of the time. That was why the US had two parties.  

That was the theory. In practice, the Donald  never consulted Congress, issuing, instead, a slew of Executive Orders that no one read, least of all himself. 

What’s amazing is that the American people not only put up with it, they accept his near-constant lying. 

They will have to put up with that for a very long time, even after he’s left the presidency.  

Because, even in death, he will lie still.

ENDS 

It’s a little bit frightening, reaching 100. – Dr Mahathir Mohamad  

He’s as old as some trees. – Anon

People generally know who you’re talking about when you refer to the Old Man. 

Thirty years ago, the candles already cost more than 

his cake. Like the night, or a sunset, he seems to have always been around.

That’s because heis. Dr Mahathir Mohamad, twice Malaysia’s premier, turned 100 on Thursday. 

I first interviewed him in late 1987 in the aftermath of Operation Lalang. It was the name the police gave a nationwide crackdown during a period of racial tensions. It saw 119 people – mostly oppositionists and civil activists – detained without trial Two newspapers were also shut down. 

As we awaited the Prime Minister’s arrival, something caught my eye. Directly behind his chair, there was a poster of a cruel-eyed eagle, hovering, its talons outstretched. Beneath it, however, the caption read: “How Can I Soar Like An Eagle When I’m Surrounded By Turkeys?”

Truth be told, Dr Mahathir Mohamad preferred the turkeys: he’s even said he prized loyalty above competence where his staff were concerned.  

When Dr M assumed the premiership in 1982, the government he took over was relatively clean. His predecessor Hussein Onn may have been considered slow and indecisive but he disliked, and didn’t tolerate, corruption.

Case in point: In 1977, Harun Idris, a very popular Chief Minister of Selangor state, was sentenced to six years in jail for accepting a MYR250,000 bribe. 

Ironically, such a sum is considered penny-ante, even laughable  these days. 

But there is a larger point here. When Dr M took over in 1982, most people in positions of power were careful to keep their noses clean because they feared retribution. 

During his 22 years in office (1982-2004), Dr M, like Lee Kuan Yew in Singapore,  had near-absolute power. During that period, his ruling party had a two-thirds majority in Parliament which meant he could push through any law.  

But while Lee Kuan Yew used his power to crack down on corruption without fear or favour, Dr M did not.  

It cannot be a coincidence that Malaysia began appearing on Transparency International’s global corruption lists by the time the 2000s rolled around. It was a dubious first for the country.  

The ex-physician did not believe some of his own policies. His Vision 2020, for example, spoke of a single Bangsa Malaysia (Malaysian race) whose people walked “free and equal under the Malaysian sun.” 

It was empty talk in the main and he largely ignored any attempt to forge a united people. Indeed, when he first took over, the civil service was aggressively made more Malay. Its non-Malay population currently stands at less than 10%. In 1982, it  was probably around 35%.

Dr M never seems to have accepted the merits of multi-racialism, surprising for a doctor of Western medicine educated in Singapore. 

On the contrary, he’s consistently harped on issues of race and religion while simultaneously decrying its use. 

He’s all for Malay dominance whilst asserting he wasn’t its architect. His current preoccupation is that Malay interests – its unspoken dominance – is under threat from without. He does not specify the threat and it’s the old us-them bogey all over again. 

He once had this to say about Anwar Ibrahim: “A leopard cannot change its spots.” 

The same might be said of him. 

ENDS

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  –  Proverb

When I was in Form 6, a wise old teacher summarised the role of a constitutional monarch into seven words: “The King reigns; he does not rule.”   

That’s concise wisdom101. As is its wont, the English language even has a word for it. 

They are called proverbs and they are sometimes considered advice to live by.

Example: If only Fearless Leader aka Jibby had grasped the concept of honesty being the best policy, he might have saved himself, and the country,  a whole lot of money and trouble. 

That’s the problem with having a friend with a degree from Chicago’s Wharton School of Business. Fatboy almost always agreed. Yes, he’d say, it’s generally considered the best policy but…

You have to watch these fellows like a hawk. It’s their “buts” that get you every time. 

There are some proverbs that are baffling to say the least. There is this old chestnut, for instance: people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.  

Only a moron would throw a stone inside a glass house because that’s the way to rack, ruin and expensive bills. I’ve a better idea: people who live in glass houses shouldn’t!

I’m not sure which genius  came up with this obvious proverb but surely it’s the pits. “The way to a man’s stomach is through his mouth.”

Duh.

Maybe it’s an intro to the new Spanish Cooking for Dummies. 

The ancient Indian doctors were a cynical lot. What else are we to make of a Hindu proverb that goes: “No physician is really good until he’s killed one or two patients.”

Mark Twain was either a weirdo or a philosopher because he was the one who came up with this: “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” 

I suppose it’s a reflection of the old adage: “It can’t get any worse.” 

You have to love the optimism of this old Italian proverb: “Since the house is on fire, let us at least warm ourselves.”

To the inscrutable, and sometimes scrutable, Japanese, everything is Zen and mystic. But some of their proverbs are maddeningly obvious, which make it even more enigmatic. A case in point would be this confounding conundrum: “The reverse side also has a reverse side.”

Here’s the Polish equivalent of “a bad carpenter” – “A man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good.”  

I’m not sure which Czech guy came up with this theory but my gut tells me he was an artist and a prince among men: “A fine beer may be judged with only one sip but it’s best to be thoroughly sure.”  

When I was still working for a salary, I’d probably agree with this philosophical nostrum: “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7^th of your life.”  

Jim Fixx was the guy who advocated running as a motto to live by and his hugely  popularThe Complete Book of Running remained on the best seller lists for a long time. Even so, the man died at a relatively young 52. That must have inspired this cynical American proverb: “Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.” 

And if anyone still thinks this century isn’t about information technology, think again. Even the Sermon on the Mount is being rethought.

The latest has this to offer:

The Geek will inherit the earth.    

ENDS