The University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School teaches its alumni to prosper. They mostly have: Elon Musk and Warren Buffett come to mind. One Donald Trump is also an old boy.

But it never specified how.

That was the rub, thought Felonious cheerfully. The ample architect of the world’s biggest fraud – 1MDB – was really named  Jho Low but Felonious was apt. 

He was awash in reminiscent memory as he’d just read that Tim Leisner, the ex-chief for Goldman Sachs’ Southeast Asian operations, had been jailed for 2 years in the US for his role in the scam.

Timmy had been key to the whole scheme, mused the plump pilferer appreciatively. Felonious had figured out the whole scheme and he knew it would fly because money trumped scruples every time.  

With the blessing of the prime minister, Goldman would raise money for Malaysia through US$6.5 billion of IMDB bonds. That was all it needed to do. Felonious would take it from there. 

And how he had! Felonious remembered the excitement of it all, the sheer rush. 

And everyone had benefitted. Even the FBI agreed with him. It said  Premier Najib Razak aka Jibby collected US$756 million (RM3.2 billion), Tim Leisner got US$73.4 million, while Roger Ng, Goldman’s Malaysia head, took US$35.1 million. Meanwhile,  Felonious raked in a whopping US$1.42 billion. (RM5.97 billion).

He was the mastermind after all. Even so, he noted the press rarely mentioned the money he’d given Reza Aziz, Jibby’s step son, for his  Hollywood  ventures (US$60 million for The Wolf of Wall Street).

14 years later, how’s everyone doing? 

With Leisner’s cooperation, Goldman was criminally indicted for the first time in its 150-year history, and settled at a US$2.9 billion fine.  

Roger Ng, sunk by Leisner’s testimony, got a 10 year US jail term. 

Leisner himself only got a couple of years but appeared the most shaken. 

He told the court that, since the scandal broke, he’d lost his “freedom, family and financial independence” and that he was now on “pills” and had “lost the will to live.” 

Jibby was sentenced to 12 years in jail and, although the sentence has since been halved, he still faces other trials that could potentially see him remaining in prison. 

Even so, he looks cheerful, has not lost any weight and is pursuing a doctorate behind bars. 

If his sentences continue, who knows? He could be the first Penitentiary Professor. 

Pity the poor Malaysian taxpayer. He may be paying off the interest on 1MDB’s bonds into the foreseeable future. 

And Fatboy?

He’d gotten off Scot-free and he truly loved his Scotch. But there was a price for notoriety and being on Interpol’s Most Wanted List: he couldn’t travel freely and so Scotland was out.

Nor could he return to Hollywood where he had once wined and dined with the best of them,       thanks to Other People’s Money. No, the US wouldn’t give him the time of day. 

Over a moody cigarette, a thoughtful Burgundy and a fragrant Camembert, Felonious was taking stock of his life. It was ironic, he reflected, his father had always advised him never to do anything he wouldn’t get caught dead doing. 

But he wasn’t caught so it didn’t apply. He cheered up instantly and thought maybe he could teach: impart some of his knowledge to the next generation. 

But he would be honest and, if so, this is what he’d say… 

“I would hate to advocate booze, birds, money laundering or grand theft to anyone but they’ve always worked for me. “

ENDS

What does an investment bank do after its senior executive, charged with a crime, explains it was the “culture” that made him do it? 

They resort to the old “blame-the-other-bugger” trick. It never fails. 

Tim Leisner, a former executive of Goldman Sachs and one of the men responsible for the billion dollar 1Malaysia Development Bhd (1MDB) scam, was due to be sentenced in New York for his role in the crime but he’d co-operated with the  authorities. One man was jailed while Goldman was fined US$2.9 billion (RM12.5 billion). 

Now the authorities were asking for clemency for Leisner. No way, snorted Goldman. 

In a letter to the judge who was to do the sentencing, Goldman’s lawyer said Leisner had engaged in “serial lies and deception”  and “had never taken responsibility for his actions” in the theft.  

She also attacked his criticism of the industry’s “culture.”  

Methinks she doth protest too much. 

Goldman had already been known, even admired, for its predatory and exploitative nature. A 2009 article in Rolling Stone described Goldman as a “great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money.” 

Indeed, the metaphor is a recurring theme whenever Goldman or Wall Street is discussed, especially after the 2008 global financial crisis. 

Never taking responsibility for their actions is another theme where  Malaysia’s IMDB is concerned.  

To say it was big is an understatement. The US Justice Department called it the “world’s largest kleptocratic heist.”   

Scores of people, including government officials, bankers and corporate figures were involved in the scandal but only one – its biggest fish, Najib Razak – was prosecuted. All the others played a part but pleaded they were obeying orders. To a man, they  bore “no responsibility” for the fraud. 

The First Felon is currently serving a 12-year jail term for abuse of power.  But even he, with whom the buck stopped, maintained he wasn’t responsible.

He explained the US$680 million (RM3 billion) in his personal account was a “donation” from the Saudi royal family. Apparently, they could be very generous if they liked your face.  

The people of Pekan testified that Jibby had a likable face. 

Alas, his unyielding if implausible plea was dismissed. He began serving time in August, 2023. 

Meanwhile, he is also facing other charges in separate trials and could potentially face longer prison terms.

And yet, there is already a movement to reduce his sentence to “house arrest.” The poor man, it was argued, already had been humiliated  by the courts and wasn’t that punishment enough? He’d  served 21 months. What more did they want?   

Everyone knew Putrajaya was just another oasis of outstretched palms, so what was a Premier to do? 

But justice has been served. Both Goldman Sachs and Najib have paid a price and their punishment is ongoing. 

But there’s one man remaining annoyingly free. Worse, he’s retained most, if not all, of his ill-gotten gains. And going by the old adage “the family that steals together stays together,” he’s managed to spirit his family out of Malaysia. 

While nibbling on caviar and champagne in the safety of Macao, the vast vampire squid known as Jho Low felt his eyes moisten at the thought of Najib behind bars. But he also nodded understandingly when China denied his presence. 

It was all about money. It was why he’d come up with the idea in the first place.  

He was safe where he was because in that country, he was guilty until proven wealthy. 

ENDS

In Kobe, actually.

But first…never take the word of a railway guard. 

We were trying to catch  the 10am Shinkansen (bullet train) to Kobe from Tokyo’s Grand Central Station which was large and difficult to navigate: English seemed in short supply. 

Till said guard that is. He scrutinised our tickets, nodded and commanded: “Platform 17.”

It was delivered  with the magisterial authority of a Tun Suffian and we believed him utterly because it was easier. The platforms were clearly marked so it was doubly easy. 

The thing is,  bullet trains don’t hang about. Two minutes max and when we piled into the scheduled tenner, we found our “reserved” seats occupied.  

Wrong train! 

Turned out to be Platform 18 and we only just made it.

We had to sprint.  

Travelling by Shinkansen isn’t cheap – about RM440 a piece for a journey of over 2 hours.  But it’s comfortable and you get a grandstand view of the countryside flashing past at 285km/hr (180mph). 

There were rice plots everywhere although we never saw anyone actually tending them. Indeed, Japan is wholly self-sufficient in rice, amazing for a wholly-industrialised nation of 124 million.  

It all looked green and orderly from where we sat, with everything in place, even Mount Fuji which looked serene and detached-from-it-all.

Apart from fish – Fifty Shades of Fish is a best seller – the Japanese love their beef. And nowhere is that flaunted more in the country than Kobe, the place synonymous with beef so tasty it practically leaps off the plate. 

I’ve mixed feelings about it though. On our second day in the city, we boarded a hop-on-hop-off bus that took us around part of the city. We got off at Nanking-gate, an entrance into a rabbit-warren of alleys boasting all sorts of items for sale including all manner of Japanese food. 

It was 19 degrees out and pleasantly crisp when we stopped at a stall that was especially crowded. It boasted “Kobe Beef Steak” with government insignia that  proclaimed, in several languages, this was, indeed, the Real Deal.

The Nepali chef – a Hindu grill-master no less – assured us of the sanctity of his steak. But while tasty, the meat was cool to the taste which implied if it were any rarer, it might awaken to hail a cab. 

It was, to say the least, disconcerting. 

But what struck me most was the overall cleanliness of the place. The stall was off a side street crowded with people and yet it – the surroundings, its floors –  was scrupulously clean. 

It was the norm everywhere I went. The bathrooms in Japan made  Singapore’s look like the public toilets along our North-South Highway. 

On our last night in Kobe, Becky spotted a hole-in-the-wall outlet that promised “killer” KB sliders. 

We tried them. They were the best I’ve ever had. 

It isn’t cheap to eat out in Japan. We went to a hawker centre in Kobe and ordered bowls of ramen which was as hoi-polloi as it gets. They cost RM32 each. 

Even so, the country tries. You can get cheap do-it-yourself meals in any 7-11 outlet in Tokyo. They sell everything from freeze dried rice meals to all manner of pies. You can also get whisky if that’s what floats your boat. 

And did I say it was organised? You could put the entire Malaysian population in the Greater Tokyo Area and it wouldn’t be enough: it is host to 37 million people. 

But I never witnessed a traffic jam in Tokyo.

Not once in my two days there.  

ENDS

Make money and the whole world will conspire to make you a gentleman – Mark Twain 

The Canadians have more sense than their southern neighbours. 

Early this week, the country’s voters gave  Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Liberal Party a third term. It was a stunning turnaround: only three months ago, Mr Carney seemed set to lose, trailing his conservative rival Pierre Poilievre by 20 percentage points.

In the event, Mr Carney’s Liberals narrowly won, Mr Poilievre lost his own seat and, not surprisingly, it’s thanks to Donald Trump. 

For reasons known only to his therapist, the Donald had slapped tariffs on Canada’s exports. He also threatened to annex the country, talking about making it the USA’s 51^st state. 

Mr Poilievre, a right-winger himself, didn’t appear as outraged as Mr Carney who, correctly sensing national anger, made Mr Trump’s actions an election issue. He was right: enough Canadians agreed and left Monsieur Poilievre snatching defeat out of  the jaws of victory. 

Alas, poor Pierre. If he felt trampled upon, a great many Americans felt the same way. Indeed, the CIA’s secret files have classified the Donald’s first 100 days: “Bull Meets China Shop.” 

That’s the problem with ignorance: it picks up confidence as it trundles along.  

Meanwhile, Mr Trump, who considers modesty highly overrated , has dubbed this period “A 100 Days of Greatness.” 

It’s anything but. Truth be told, it’s the most destabilising period in current world history. Canada isn’t the only country feeling   uneasy. The Donald has threatened to take Greenland by force and has spoken about seizing control of the Panama Canal. 

In one of his milder acts, he arbitrarily renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Given his litany of complaints in the run-up to the  Presidency, he might want to make the grouse America’s  national bird. 

He’s acted on those complaints, too. Example: Mr Trump  complained about his “enemies.” Now he’s weaponised the Justice Department, tightened the government’s purse strings, and gone after institutions that’ve “slighted” him – legal firms, media outlets, universities, even museums.

He’s gutted the civil service: an estimated 100,000 federal workers have been sacked.  

And if you thought he’d set an example, he has – a terrible one. He’s pardoned every single defendant convicted of crimes related to the Jan 6 riots, including those related to violent crime and criminal conspiracy. 

The Watergate scandal brought a serving President down and its aftermath brought on rules designed to protect against political meddling in law enforcement. Mr Trump said nuts to that and showed it the finger. 

A compliant Congress has allowed him to take over spending and trade policy. In the process, he’s unleashed an international trade war in the name of remaking the global economy. 

The result has been the US economy’s first contraction in three years: real growth shrank 0.3% in the year’s first quarter. 

True to form, an unfazed Mr Trump blamed his predecessor, the hapless Joe Biden. Mr Biden actually bequeathed the ingrate a strong economy. 

Like a modern day Caligula, Mr Trump has arrogated enormous  power to himself. Indeed, everything so far is unprecedented and uncharted territory.   

The man’s self-belief is terrifying. Like Oscar Levant, he believes  there are only two sides to any argument: his side and the wrong side. 

ENDS