You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. – Poet Ogden Nash
You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, but you grow old when you stop laughing. – Playwright George Bernard Shaw
Dr Mahathir Mohamad turned 98 earlier this week.
Now that he’s the oldest he’s ever been, the waiters in kopi tiam restaurants finally feel emboldened to follow George Burns’ instructions: “Even if he wants a three-minute egg, ask for the money up-front.”
I only mention this because I read today that TENA, supported by the government, has just released the Malaysia Ageing Report, which cheerfully concludes that “active ageing” is the answer to life’s problems. On a more sinister note, TENA is the world’s leader in incontinence care. Now incontinence itself is, well, never mind, think diapers.
I’m not trying to be the Grinch at Christmas or anything, but all this rhapsodising about “active” aging or getting older “gracefully” is a load of codswallop. There is nothing graceful about dribbling, liver spots, loose skin, or senility. The winners in the great game of existence are almost always predicated on a throw of the genetic dice.
You can improve your quality of life by exercise, diet, and moderation but you cannot increase your lifespan significantly beyond what your genes have already predetermined.
As Frank Sinatra sang, “that’s life.”
That’s luck as well. Germany’s most famous fitness instructor Jo Lindner who reportedly had more muscles in his ears than Arnold, died recently of a brain aneurysm. He was 30.
Now we begin to understand what they mean when they say, “if your time isn’t up, not even your doctors can kill you.”
I’m beginning to suspect that a great many quotes, sayings, and proverbs about getting old have been deliberately crafted to make us feel better about ageing, to shield us from Its Greatest Truth: it sucks!
Take the one about age bringing with it, maturity, contentment, and a Zen-like wisdom.
You think?
I mean, seriously?
Just consider Donald Trump, now closing in on 80. The following are actual statements uttered by the 45thPresident of the United States.
“Sorry, losers and haters, my IQ is one of the highest and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”
“You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media writes as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.”
And finally…
“It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!”
Then there’s Boris Johnson, who’s closing in on 60, but isn’t averse to lying through his teeth. Pinocchio might want to take lessons.
Do any of these sound like a repository of maturity and benign wisdom accumulated over the years?
What’s the moral of the story?
There isn’t any except, maybe, we should neither warble about its joys nor bellyache about its downside. It just is because no one has discovered a way of getting around it
Here’s the bottom line, according to George Burns: by the time you’re 80, you’ve learnt everything.
The trick is to remember it.
ENDS
Speakeasy 